Back again with another post so quickly, well quick for me anyway.
I still have so much to say but at the same time have difficulty trying to express that in writing, so these next few posts will no doubt be a little disjointed as I talk about the past few months and then also talk about what’s happening now.
Looking back over the past few months there have been three main things that I have not been able to accept or “get over”. Unlike Cate who has an ability to learn and move on I have struggled to accept these things and at this stage just can not move on. I know it sounds stupid and immature but they are chewing at me and I just cant get over them. I can see these are holding me back from getting on with life but I just can not stop it!
The first of the issues is FRIENDS.
I’ve always lived by the thought that if you let people into your life, you will get hurt. To save getting hurt, I simply just do not let people into my life. Therefore as such I don’t actually have anybody that I refer to as “my friend”. There are even parts to me that even Cate has not cracked her way in. But nether the less we as a family have/had people close enough to us that family members called them friends. These friends were present in one way or another all way up to the point that we were evicted from the house. Now wether us being evicted was of our own doing or through the doing of others is irrelevant, one would expect that our friends would provide some level of support, even if it was only a phone call or email to say “hey were here if you need us”…. But no… we were now homeless and publicly so and that apparently means that nobody wants anything to do with you anymore. The so called friends went into hiding. Ran for the hills even!!
Personally I found this a discussing act and very hurtful. As uncomfortable as it might be to communicate with a “homeless family”, friendship should be stronger than that. And to use excuses like “I didn’t know what to say” or “I thought I’d just make it harder for you” just does not cut it, it’s a cop out. If it wasn’t bad enough living in a tent and van, moving every three or so days and feeling like EVERY person you went past was looking at you because they just knew you were homeless, not having anybody familiar to communicate with just made things feel so much worse.
Just to go back for a second, after a few weeks I had to ask Cate about the feeling I had that no matter where I was, it really felt that people were staring at me because I had “homeless” written on my forehead. Cate felt exactly the same thing, it was a horrible and humiliating feeling. But I digress!
Strangely enough during our travels we met a few people that for various reasons were in similar situations dealing with their issues and to my surprise these people stopped and took the time to talk to us, to communicate with the kids and allowed them to feel human. How sad is it that a complete stranger with their own demons to deal with could offer support when the so called friends left us for dead. And that is why I just can not move forward on this issue.
Maybe I could throw in a positive post next time?? Lets wait and see, but before I go I would like to know, what would you do in this situation? Put yourself in the position of the “friend” be honest with me and let me know, what would you do, how would you feel? I’d appreciate the comments to help me find a way past this issue. But of course, play nice… If you want to be nasty, I’ll just close the comments altogether.
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.
Rick
